Well, I'm back from my four day weekend. Actually it was a two day weekend with two days of traveling. which raises some interesting points in and of itself. For one day, I was laying in a hammock on a beach in the Bahamas just like those crystal blue advertisements in the travel magazines. What could have been better? No travel time and four days in the hammock, that's what. You see, that's the problem with a cruise. If you live in Florida, then a cruise is just fine. But if you have to fly, the full day of travel time on each end detracts a lot from the experience.
I have a lot to say about cruise travel. And memory. It always comes back to memory with me. You see, I went on a cruise ten years ago for my honeymoon. As I experienced this cruise I slowly began to remember lots of details about my first one. The shame of it is, if I had remembered any of this before I booked this trip, well, to be honest, I would not have traveled this way. Don't get me wrong. I had a great time, and I'm thrilled with my vacation. My son had a blast, and it was a wonderful experience for him. It's just, I would rather have had more vacation and less embarkation and debarkation.
I also thought a lot about Andy Milonakis on my vacation. His web log video haunts me. I am now so self conscious about typing stream of consciousness trivia into my blog that I am reluctant to post. However, because of this weekend experience, I now realize that I am typing this for myself. If I had a weblog entry documenting my last cruise experience, I would most certainly have made different travel plans.
So, at the risk of sounding too much like Andy, here is the blow by blow account:
Friday, get out of bed at 3:30am. Get out the door by 4:10am, arrive at Air Park and get to the terminal about 5am. As we go through security, we are 'red flagged', and me, my wife, and my ten year old son are all treated like the potential terrorists we most likely are. And that, my friends, is the crux of the problem. Air travel is such an unpleasant, degrading, humiliating, and time consuming experience, in today's America that I honestly believe anything less than a 10 hour drive would be preferable.
Let's figure this out. You drive to the airport, take an airport shuttle, wait in a lengthy line to get your bags checked, only to then wait in another incredibly long line to get through security. At security you will most likely be 'red flagged' where you will be treated literally like a potential terrorist. You will take off your shoes, your belt, and empty your pockets. If you so much as make the slightest move you will be barked at by a security guard. You will be questioned, inspected, and ultimately rejected. Once you make it through this gauntlet you will arrive at your gate to wait some more. You will wait to board, wait to leave the gate, and then wait to take off.
Then you will go through a similar process when you transfer at another airport. As we did. Once we arrived at our destination we waited to get our bags, then we waited to get a shuttle bus to take us to the dock. Then we waited to get our papers. Waited to get through security. Waited to get through check in. And, finally, were on our ship.
Had we chosen drive we would have made it from St. Louis to past Atlanta in that same time. That's the problem with living in St. Louis, nothing is really within a 10 hour drive. No oceans at least, and no place especially warm. In the spring, summer, and fall we could drive to Canada, Chicago, or simply the Ozarks.
Now, when I think about it, I'm not certain I can offer an alternative to the treatment we are receiving at the airport these days. I have been flying for over 20 years now, and only since September 11 has it become such a heinous experience. Is it safer? Most certainly. However, the experience is so unpleasant that it makes air travel simply a hellish experience. When I was in Europe this spring we did not have nearly as much trouble. In England we attended the Queen's 50th Jubilee celebration, with one million people all lined up in front of Buckingham Palace, and security was tight. That said, the security people were polite, pleasant, friendly, and relaxed. We spoke to many people about this and their response was that they had been living with random acts of terror for decades and had grown accustomed to it. They have a fatalistic attitude that if it happens, well, it happens. They told us that the Americans were having a hysterical reaction and in time they would calm down and get into a more normal routine. I hope so, but I believe that is going to be a long time coming.
Now, back to the cruise. A few items of note. The cruise lines have streamlined things since last I traveled, and they make it easier on the passenger but, at the same time, a lot easier for them to take your money. There is less of a focus on tipping than their has been in the past, because all of the tips are automatically included on every item you purchase. I saw very little tipping going on, and I now remember distinctly from my first cruise a constant discussion and focus on how much to tip seemingly every person on the ship. Instead you are given a little credit card issued by the ship that goes right on your bill. Every time you make a purchase, the tip is automatically added. A per diem gratuity of $10 a day per person is automatically added to your bill. I only tipped my waiter above and beyond these included tips and didn't see anyone else doing otherwise.
So, you might ask yourself, what is all this talk of money when a cruise is supposed to be all inclusive? Well, that's not quite how it works. You know what they say, give away the razor, sell razor blades. In this case, it's give away the cruise, sell alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. To the cynical person the cruise can be viewed as a group of 'marks', allowing themselves to be willingly held captive, while they are allowed to make purchases only from their captors. You pay for drinks and excursions. You drink throughout the day and have wine with dinner, and you can easily spend more a day on drinks than you do for the cruise itself. And the cruise line counts on this. Additionally they have shops, casinos, and all manner of diversions to get you to spend money while you are at your leisure on board their vessel. You are on a tight schedule so singing up for their pre-arranged excursions is a matter of convenience.
But, what about the free food, you ask? Well, they have that in plenty. There is a formal breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And, good luck, actually getting to eat any of them. Unless you have booked your cruise way in advance and have an expensive room, you will be forced to get early seating for meals. So, breakfast will be served at 7am and dinner at 6pm. Who is going to get up in time for a 7am breakfast on a vacation? And, how rushed are you going to feel getting back on the boat from an excursion to make a 6pm dinner call? Who is even going to remember lunch? Again, the cynical part of myself, knows that the cruise line knows this; and banks on it. They know that only a fraction of the passengers will ever eat breakfast and lunch in the formal dining room and just some will make the dinner as well. It's not that those people won't eat, but they will eat the much cheaper buffet that is available on the ships deck. Dinners are designed to appear very fancy and elegant, but in reality you feel like you are at a fairly decent catered wedding reception. The portion sizes are small, and the food is only 'ok'. Now, don't get me wrong. You aren't going to starve. Quite the opposite. The buffet is open almost all of the time and overflowing with food to eat. It's just that you can feel the penny pinching on the 'fancier' parts of the cruise. That's ok, it is a money making venture.
In short, the lesson I learned or, more to the point, 're-learned', was that a cruise is a lovely vacation get away but if you are going to spend some money, spend some *more* money and don't travel on the cheapest cruise line available. Carnival does a fine job, considering the price you pay for the cruise. However, I would rather pay an extra $100 a day and feel like the luxury was more 'real', rather than plastic facade.
So, once you are trapped on this ship, what is there to do? Well, you can play chess on a giant chess board. You can slide down a slide into a swimming pool. You can sit in a hot tub. You can play table tennis. You can go to a casino. You can sit in many, many, bars. You can go to a disco. You can listen to indoor and outdoor bands. You can watch a movie in your room. You can attend shows put on in the large theatre. You can get a massage, jog on an Olympic jogging track, or play basketball. You can practice your golf swing. You can lay out on the deck. You can sit in the library and read a book. You can sit on the side of the ship and watch the ocean go by. You can play video games in the arcade. You can people watch, including many, many, half naked attractive bikini clad young women. You can walk up to the topless deck and try not to look like you are staring at women's breasts while you are surreptitiously staring at women's breasts. Mostly, you can just relax. These are all good things, and with the exception of paying the price of a six pack for every beer you drink, it's a pretty relaxing affair.
The shows are interesting. They are tight production numbers, with singing and dancing. They were very polished and professional but, then again, not the kind of show I would ever have intentionally gone to see back home. Nevertheless, it was something fun to do on the ship. The excursion (singular) was awesome. We took a boat out to an Island and spent 5 hours at the 'blue lagoon'. Absolutely lovely and ultimately relaxing. Also, far too short. When we got back we had time to go to an open maket to buy t-shirts and such from the locals. Children would run up to you and offer to sing a song for a dollar. There was a street dance and parade going on that was incredible to watch. I will be posting some photographs from it soon. Many people on the ship complained about the way the felt accosted by the locals, but I didn't have any problem with it. Everyone was friendly and polite, and I never felt overwhelmed at any time. In contrast, when we got off of our ship in Jamaica on our first cruise, it was a mad house. A press of human flesh, we were mobbed by a huge crowd of frenetic madness. It was a horrible scene and we immediately turned around and went back on the ship.
Of course, our major regret, was that the actual time spent in the Bahamas was so short. We didn't even feel like we could have dinner at a local resturant since we had already paid for our 'fancy' dinner on the ship. Having been there for that one day, I wished we had simply flown directly to the Bahamahs, stayed at a resort hotel, and maximized our time in the sun on and on the beach.
Well, enough rambling on about the cruise. Debarkation is a grimy, lengthy, and ugly ordeal, that takes hours and hours. You then arrive at the airport hours before your flight leaves. It is easily 8 or 9 hours total of 'travel' time, including the standing around and waiting.
Lessons learned for my future self:
(1) Cruises are fun, but go on an expensive one, not a cheap one.
(2) Air travel sucks, drive if ever possible.
(3) If you can go to a great resort area in the continental United States, do so, rather than hassling with customs. How about South Padre Island?
(4) Stay at a nice resort hotel and maximize your time on the beach and enjoying the local night life.
That's it. Digital photographs later this week.
I have a lot to say about cruise travel. And memory. It always comes back to memory with me. You see, I went on a cruise ten years ago for my honeymoon. As I experienced this cruise I slowly began to remember lots of details about my first one. The shame of it is, if I had remembered any of this before I booked this trip, well, to be honest, I would not have traveled this way. Don't get me wrong. I had a great time, and I'm thrilled with my vacation. My son had a blast, and it was a wonderful experience for him. It's just, I would rather have had more vacation and less embarkation and debarkation.
I also thought a lot about Andy Milonakis on my vacation. His web log video haunts me. I am now so self conscious about typing stream of consciousness trivia into my blog that I am reluctant to post. However, because of this weekend experience, I now realize that I am typing this for myself. If I had a weblog entry documenting my last cruise experience, I would most certainly have made different travel plans.
So, at the risk of sounding too much like Andy, here is the blow by blow account:
Friday, get out of bed at 3:30am. Get out the door by 4:10am, arrive at Air Park and get to the terminal about 5am. As we go through security, we are 'red flagged', and me, my wife, and my ten year old son are all treated like the potential terrorists we most likely are. And that, my friends, is the crux of the problem. Air travel is such an unpleasant, degrading, humiliating, and time consuming experience, in today's America that I honestly believe anything less than a 10 hour drive would be preferable.
Let's figure this out. You drive to the airport, take an airport shuttle, wait in a lengthy line to get your bags checked, only to then wait in another incredibly long line to get through security. At security you will most likely be 'red flagged' where you will be treated literally like a potential terrorist. You will take off your shoes, your belt, and empty your pockets. If you so much as make the slightest move you will be barked at by a security guard. You will be questioned, inspected, and ultimately rejected. Once you make it through this gauntlet you will arrive at your gate to wait some more. You will wait to board, wait to leave the gate, and then wait to take off.
Then you will go through a similar process when you transfer at another airport. As we did. Once we arrived at our destination we waited to get our bags, then we waited to get a shuttle bus to take us to the dock. Then we waited to get our papers. Waited to get through security. Waited to get through check in. And, finally, were on our ship.
Had we chosen drive we would have made it from St. Louis to past Atlanta in that same time. That's the problem with living in St. Louis, nothing is really within a 10 hour drive. No oceans at least, and no place especially warm. In the spring, summer, and fall we could drive to Canada, Chicago, or simply the Ozarks.
Now, when I think about it, I'm not certain I can offer an alternative to the treatment we are receiving at the airport these days. I have been flying for over 20 years now, and only since September 11 has it become such a heinous experience. Is it safer? Most certainly. However, the experience is so unpleasant that it makes air travel simply a hellish experience. When I was in Europe this spring we did not have nearly as much trouble. In England we attended the Queen's 50th Jubilee celebration, with one million people all lined up in front of Buckingham Palace, and security was tight. That said, the security people were polite, pleasant, friendly, and relaxed. We spoke to many people about this and their response was that they had been living with random acts of terror for decades and had grown accustomed to it. They have a fatalistic attitude that if it happens, well, it happens. They told us that the Americans were having a hysterical reaction and in time they would calm down and get into a more normal routine. I hope so, but I believe that is going to be a long time coming.
Now, back to the cruise. A few items of note. The cruise lines have streamlined things since last I traveled, and they make it easier on the passenger but, at the same time, a lot easier for them to take your money. There is less of a focus on tipping than their has been in the past, because all of the tips are automatically included on every item you purchase. I saw very little tipping going on, and I now remember distinctly from my first cruise a constant discussion and focus on how much to tip seemingly every person on the ship. Instead you are given a little credit card issued by the ship that goes right on your bill. Every time you make a purchase, the tip is automatically added. A per diem gratuity of $10 a day per person is automatically added to your bill. I only tipped my waiter above and beyond these included tips and didn't see anyone else doing otherwise.
So, you might ask yourself, what is all this talk of money when a cruise is supposed to be all inclusive? Well, that's not quite how it works. You know what they say, give away the razor, sell razor blades. In this case, it's give away the cruise, sell alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. To the cynical person the cruise can be viewed as a group of 'marks', allowing themselves to be willingly held captive, while they are allowed to make purchases only from their captors. You pay for drinks and excursions. You drink throughout the day and have wine with dinner, and you can easily spend more a day on drinks than you do for the cruise itself. And the cruise line counts on this. Additionally they have shops, casinos, and all manner of diversions to get you to spend money while you are at your leisure on board their vessel. You are on a tight schedule so singing up for their pre-arranged excursions is a matter of convenience.
But, what about the free food, you ask? Well, they have that in plenty. There is a formal breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And, good luck, actually getting to eat any of them. Unless you have booked your cruise way in advance and have an expensive room, you will be forced to get early seating for meals. So, breakfast will be served at 7am and dinner at 6pm. Who is going to get up in time for a 7am breakfast on a vacation? And, how rushed are you going to feel getting back on the boat from an excursion to make a 6pm dinner call? Who is even going to remember lunch? Again, the cynical part of myself, knows that the cruise line knows this; and banks on it. They know that only a fraction of the passengers will ever eat breakfast and lunch in the formal dining room and just some will make the dinner as well. It's not that those people won't eat, but they will eat the much cheaper buffet that is available on the ships deck. Dinners are designed to appear very fancy and elegant, but in reality you feel like you are at a fairly decent catered wedding reception. The portion sizes are small, and the food is only 'ok'. Now, don't get me wrong. You aren't going to starve. Quite the opposite. The buffet is open almost all of the time and overflowing with food to eat. It's just that you can feel the penny pinching on the 'fancier' parts of the cruise. That's ok, it is a money making venture.
In short, the lesson I learned or, more to the point, 're-learned', was that a cruise is a lovely vacation get away but if you are going to spend some money, spend some *more* money and don't travel on the cheapest cruise line available. Carnival does a fine job, considering the price you pay for the cruise. However, I would rather pay an extra $100 a day and feel like the luxury was more 'real', rather than plastic facade.
So, once you are trapped on this ship, what is there to do? Well, you can play chess on a giant chess board. You can slide down a slide into a swimming pool. You can sit in a hot tub. You can play table tennis. You can go to a casino. You can sit in many, many, bars. You can go to a disco. You can listen to indoor and outdoor bands. You can watch a movie in your room. You can attend shows put on in the large theatre. You can get a massage, jog on an Olympic jogging track, or play basketball. You can practice your golf swing. You can lay out on the deck. You can sit in the library and read a book. You can sit on the side of the ship and watch the ocean go by. You can play video games in the arcade. You can people watch, including many, many, half naked attractive bikini clad young women. You can walk up to the topless deck and try not to look like you are staring at women's breasts while you are surreptitiously staring at women's breasts. Mostly, you can just relax. These are all good things, and with the exception of paying the price of a six pack for every beer you drink, it's a pretty relaxing affair.
The shows are interesting. They are tight production numbers, with singing and dancing. They were very polished and professional but, then again, not the kind of show I would ever have intentionally gone to see back home. Nevertheless, it was something fun to do on the ship. The excursion (singular) was awesome. We took a boat out to an Island and spent 5 hours at the 'blue lagoon'. Absolutely lovely and ultimately relaxing. Also, far too short. When we got back we had time to go to an open maket to buy t-shirts and such from the locals. Children would run up to you and offer to sing a song for a dollar. There was a street dance and parade going on that was incredible to watch. I will be posting some photographs from it soon. Many people on the ship complained about the way the felt accosted by the locals, but I didn't have any problem with it. Everyone was friendly and polite, and I never felt overwhelmed at any time. In contrast, when we got off of our ship in Jamaica on our first cruise, it was a mad house. A press of human flesh, we were mobbed by a huge crowd of frenetic madness. It was a horrible scene and we immediately turned around and went back on the ship.
Of course, our major regret, was that the actual time spent in the Bahamas was so short. We didn't even feel like we could have dinner at a local resturant since we had already paid for our 'fancy' dinner on the ship. Having been there for that one day, I wished we had simply flown directly to the Bahamahs, stayed at a resort hotel, and maximized our time in the sun on and on the beach.
Well, enough rambling on about the cruise. Debarkation is a grimy, lengthy, and ugly ordeal, that takes hours and hours. You then arrive at the airport hours before your flight leaves. It is easily 8 or 9 hours total of 'travel' time, including the standing around and waiting.
Lessons learned for my future self:
(1) Cruises are fun, but go on an expensive one, not a cheap one.
(2) Air travel sucks, drive if ever possible.
(3) If you can go to a great resort area in the continental United States, do so, rather than hassling with customs. How about South Padre Island?
(4) Stay at a nice resort hotel and maximize your time on the beach and enjoying the local night life.
That's it. Digital photographs later this week.
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