What you talking about Willis?

It seems as though I have pretty much stopped blogging on any issue of significance for the past few months. I suppose that must mean there is nothing much going on in my life to talk about; right? Actually, it is almost always just the opposite. There is a lot going on in my life, just nothing that is appropriate to air in a public forum such as this weblog. It is deeply personal family stuff that, even though it is affecting my life, would be horribly inappropriate to air in public.

I even created a blog at one point just so I could write about it. I flagged it as 'hidden from public view'. I only updated it for a few days and then I decided I was obsessing about the problem enough without taking it any further. Speaking of obsession, I actually suffer from OCD. I suppose I can talk about personal issues, so long as they are just about me and not anyone else. I take medication for my OCD problem and it seems to work exceptionally well except under times of extreme stress.

Traditionally my OCD has exhibited itself as an all consuming worry about losing my job and being unable to take care of my family financially. It was this kind of OCD that had me working incredibly long hours at previous jobs while largely ignoring my family. For over a decade I had young children at home who hardly knew they had a father because I was at work all of the time. Speaking of time, where is the way back time machine when you need it?

The ironic thing about all of this as that I am probably one of the most employable people in the country. I have recruiters hunt me down to offer me jobs on a weekly basis and I always turn them down because I am content with my current employment situation.

Speaking of a way back time machine, am I the only person hooked on this new show 'Journeyman'? My expectations, originally, were quite low but this has really become my absolute favorite new program this year. Of course, with the writers strike, I think they just ran out of episodes tonight.

I did blog a bit about a week ago, but I used my magical time machine like editing powers and made all of the posts disappear. The problem it seems is that, late at night after a few beers, I sometimes feel compelled to write what I actually think.

Having said what I really think, using rather blunt and emotional language, I then receive comments that have an opposing point of view from readers who either disagree or feel offended. This doesn't help my situation at all because, since I do believe in what I say, I quickly resort to yet more blunt and emotional language to back up what I have said in the first place. Quickly the whole thing escalates out of control and I am on the verge of offending all of the members of a number of organized religions. (I think at that time I was on a roll and came close to offending several billion people when it was brought to my attention that a number of people I was offending were brother Freemasons who, at the end of the day, have a right to believe any damned thing they want without me, as a brother, attacking their faith.)

I would still love to have the same debate, privately, one on one, and outside of a lodge setting, but I suppose that one of the things that has resulted from my becoming a Freemason is an effort refrain from such public attacks on faith. Maybe the next time a Missionary or someone holding a Watchtower knocks on my door I might take that as invitation to press my alternative point of view....

The text book definition of faith is simply "To believe in something without evidence or proof." My more cynical definition of faith is "To believe in that which you know not to be true." Nevertheless, considering either definition, people still have a legal right to believe anything they want. I would like to say they can believe anything they want so long as they harm no other but, apparently, our legal system doesn't make this distinction as many faiths arguably do much harm to others. But, I suppose, that isn't my battle to wage any more either.

Speaking of battles to rage, I hear there's all kinds of hub-ub in the Freemason blogging community with much emotions rising, gnashing of teeth, and nostrils flaring in and about cyberspace.

And, what, me not having anything to do with it?

I've reached a really comfortable place in my Freemason affiliation. I stopped being consumed with trying to 'understand it' or 'learn the history behind it' or anything else. After only about a hundred books or so on Freemasonry I have not read a single new one in ages and ages. It's not even that I don't 'care', it's just that feel I have exposed myself to so much material that there is no great itch left that still needs scratching.

Instead I find myself Worshipful Master of Napthali Lodge and Senior Deacon of Wentzville Lodge. I try hard to make every meeting. I know all of the opening and closing ritual for all of the officers in all three degrees. I have been doing a pretty decent job opening and closing lodge as Worshipful Master and it has been a pleasant experience. We raised three teenagers these past few months and it was rewarding to be a part of it.

I can do a number of the parts for all three degrees and I have memorized the first degree and third degree charge and given them a number of times. We do degree work at nearly every meeting and I am becoming attached to it as a familiar performance shared with good friends.

I don't have any negative experiences to relate about Freemasonry. I don't have any pet theories to argue about. I don't worry about other Jurisdictions when I am quite content with my own.

There must be something really wrong with me today. Shouldn't there be more shit that I am trying to disturb?

I am eagerly looking forward to the Kirtan I am hosting at Wentzville Lodge on Friday, January 11th. I honestly believe this is going to be a truly unique experience. I am hopeful that we get a really decent turnout because the more people chanting the more powerful the transcendental effect becomes.

The ceiling of our lodge has been painted with glow-in-the-dark paint representing the moon, stars, constellations and even a comet or two in the sky. When we shut off the lights for degree work it it creates an beautiful backdrop for the scene. Some of the brothers recently retouched the paint over the summer so this year the effect is especially pronounced.

During the Kirtan I plan to turn on the three lesser lights, the letter G, but have the main overhead lights turned off entirely. I can't think of a better setting for t his unique musical and meditative experience.

So this ends my long, rambling, pointless, and almost content free blog post. It reveals very little about me, or what is going on my life besides a few minor points of trivia. I don't think I attacked anyone's faith by telling them what I really think about their personal theology.

All in all I would call it a successfully weak and bland blog entry. Good night.