Just a quick comment about the situation in Tuscon

As anyone who used to follow this blog may have noticed, I have pretty much stopped posting here.  My reasons for doing so are a bit complicated, though I lay most of the blame on the fact that I use Facebook now for most of my social media interaction these days.

I wanted to make a very brief comment about the recent media coverage surrounding the terrible events in Tuscon this past week.

My first comment is about the statements made by the local sheriff and how the media has reacted to them.  The sheriff was speaking out of a deep sense of grief and relating his personal experiences with the current climate he has been dealing with.  In other words, he was not stating that the incident itself was directly caused by the political climate, but rather, that the climate itself was responsible for much of the challenges and difficulties he has had to deal with in his job.  This was not the singular case he has had to deal with in terms of threats, but rather just the manifestation of what those threats ultimately can lead to.

So, let us stop parsing things so carefully and all fully understand the main point he was getting at.  That using language filled with hate and tinged with violence is not helpful in our society in any particular way, especially as it filters down to the masses and even the mentally unstable.

However, that is not the main point I wanted to make here this evening.

What really concerns me is the media reaction to the parents of the young man responsible for this act. 

All I heard all night on the newscasts was 'how could the parents not know'?

I heard this question over, and over again.

To be frank, this made me fairly angry.

Why?

Because it is the WRONG QUESTION!

The correct question is 'What could we do?'

Let's see how this conversation goes.

911 - This is the operator, what is your problem?

Parent : Well, it's my son.  He's very moody.  Very difficult.  We can't even talk to him anymore, he doesn't have any friends.  We think he might be mentally unstable. 

911 - What would you like us to do?

Parent - Would you please come and arrest him?

911 - I'm sorry sir, what has he done?  Is he a threat to himself or others?

Parent - Not that we can tell.  He doesn't speak to us.  He's just very moody and difficult.  He's extremely disrespectful.  Please come and arrest him.  Or please take him to a mental heath facility.

911 - How old is your son?

Parent - 22 years old.

911 - I'm sorry, but he is legally an adult.  Do you have a power of attorney over him?

Parent - No, no we do not.  Please do something.

911 - I'm sorry, there is nothing we can do.  I would suggest you try to get him to a hospital and convince him he needs help.

Parent - He won't speak to us.  Thank you very much...


Look, this is something I don't talk about on my blog.  And I won't now, other than to say that I am the father of a mentally ill son who is 24 years of age.  I will not go into further details other than to say that the struggles we have dealt with make the story being told by the parents of this young man seem fairly minor in comparison.

No one, and I mean *NO ONE* has the right to criticize these parents until they have raised a mentally ill child to the age of adulthood and gone through that struggle.

I would ask the media to please show a little bit of respect and try to learn the absolute hell that parents of mentally ill LEGAL ADULTS have to struggle with.

When they are under 18, yes, maybe you can commit them to a mental health instution (and have your child hate you for the rest of their lives for doing it), but once they are legally an adult you can't make them do anything.  You can't shove medication down their throat.  You cannot force them to seek help.  You can't 'make them' do anything.

Anyone who doesn't understand this, has never had to deal with a mentally ill adult family member.  I would caution everyone to lean towards sympathy for people who have struggled with a burden you cannot imagine.